Hotels FAQ » Hotel Accommodation » Question about when to send invites
Question:
johnson) writes: >My dad and I are having amajor disagreement. The wedding is August >8th. I always understood that invites should go out to guests 6 – 8 >weeks in advance (8 when it is far out of town guests who need to plan >vacatios and whatnot.). Well my dad says we should send the first >batch to out of town guests (across the country) who have not heard >through the grapevine that I am getting married nowish, like in the >next two weeks. I think 3 months ahead is a little too son. ANy >opinions?
You are correct; three months is too early. Most people would just lose it, and/or forget to reply. Wedding invitations are normally sent 4-8 weeks before the wedding date. Your dad has a point, however. You should consider sending a "save the date" card, newsletter, or personal letter to your out-of-towners (or at least the ones who are really important to you 
), letting them know your wedding date and perhaps giving some information about reserved hotel rooms and the like. That way they’ll have plenty of time to make travel plans. Of course, if you don’t want to do an "extra mailing," you could just ask your dad to BE the grapevine, and call all those people. :-) Holly (& Ken, married 8/25/96) aka Self-Appointed Wedding Expert
Response:
>johnson) writes: >My dad and I are having amajor disagreement. The wedding is August >8th. I always understood that invites should go out to guests 6 – 8 >weeks in advance (8 when it is far out of town guests who need to plan >vacatios and whatnot.). Well my dad says we should send the first >batch to out of town guests (across the country) who have not heard >through the grapevine that I am getting married nowish, like in the >next two weeks. I think 3 months ahead is a little too son. ANy >opinions?
<what Holly said snipped, because my newsreader wouldn’t post with it in there> A friend of mine called a few weeks ago to tell me she is engaged, and the wedding will be in August this year, so I will have known for more than 4 months when it’s going to be. As I’m now living interstate, this gives me plenty of time to organise my holidays, save for the air ticket to get there and work out where I’m going to stay. I may even be able to combine an already planned trip home for late July with the wedding, depending on when in August it’s going to be. Maybe a casual call like that is the way to go, so people can make preliminary plans, and then follow it up with the invitation 8 weeks before the wedding – I’m sure they’d love to know you were getting married long before the invitation was dropped in their mail box! Cheers, Kylie (no official wedding plans, but I’ve got it all planned in my head!)
Response:
I would suggest either sending a Save the Date card (with the important information) to your out of town guests, or sending a wedding newsletter to all of your guests with the important information about the wedding. hth – kellie
Response:
Hello Jennie — In our market area, we normally tell people that invitations should be sent so that the guests receive them 5 to 6 weeks prior to the wedding. Al though this period has been getting longer, we would normally not encourage people to send invitations much earlier than 7 to 8 weeks prior to the wedding. You want people to have time to plan, but not to have so much time that they are likely to mislay the invitation and forget the date, time or place. If you feel that some addresses may not be correct, you may want to send any you are not sure of a little earlier in case of returns. Hope this helps a little
Response:
>I would think that if you have everything together – it would be OK to >send them now. You need to consider that August is a fairly big vacation >month – especially for families whose children need to start school at >the end of the month.
I can’t agree – I think the beginning of summer is definitely too soon to send an invitation for a wedding, or anything else, that’s scheduled at the end of the summer. I think it’s better to tell your out-of-town guests about your wedding date and location as soon as you decide this, so that they can mark it on their calendar. Then, keep reminding them of the date during your engagement (though Christmas cards, phone calls, letters, etc) so they can make plans to come. The invitation should only be one more reminder of the wedding date and location for them. We did this, and it worked very well. We sent our invitations to our out-of-town guests two weeks ago (the same time we sent our invitations to our in-town guests), but most of our out-of-town guests who are planning to come reserved vacation time and motel rooms and bought their plane tickets weeks before they received our invitations, since they already had the date on their calendars. Go with Debbie McCoy’s advice on this one. She’s also right that allowing a long response will not guarantee a quick response. Most of my friends from church have told me they received our invitation and they’re planning to come, but they haven’t sent their responses yet. I’m trying to ask them, in a nice way, to please return their responses so that my mother will know they are coming. If they don’t return, I’ll just assume that they are still coming. Nancy (and Ken) May 17, 1997 – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > My dad and I are having amajor disagreement. The wedding is August > > 8th. I always understood that invites should go out to guests 6 – 8 > > weeks in advance (8 when it is far out of town guests who need to plan > > vacatios and whatnot.). Well my dad says we should send the first > > batch to out of town guests (across the country) who have not heard > > through the grapevine that I am getting married nowish, like in the > > next two weeks. I think 3 months ahead is a little too son. ANy > > opinions? > >RE: invitations: When to mail? > Invitations should be sent to out-of-town guests two months ahead of the > respond date (unless the wedding falls near a holiday). Two months gives > them plenty of time to book reservations, etc. Allowing too much time > does not always guarantee a fast response. In fact, I’ve found the > opposite to be true. I’m with you on this one <g>! > All the best, > Deb McCoy, Author, "For the Bride" >– >To reply, remove the ‘!’s from my address: >Mechanical Engineering and Applied Mechanics >University of Michigan – Ann Arbor
Response:
Hi Jennie, I understand that a lot of people say 6 to 8 weeks and that you can tell your out-of-town guests to mark the date and not send invitations. But you don’t have to follow the majority and can do what you think is right. Actually in my opinion, it doesn’t really matter. In our case though, we just got our invitations and are planning to send them out this week for our wedding of 9/6/97. Yes, it’s quite early. Our furthest relatives are in China, but they can’t come anyway. So that leaves Germany relatives. Even though they all know the wedding date and have planned their vacations around the date, they are still constantly asking for invitations, so are some of my mother’s friends who are local. I want to send them all at once because I don’t want some guests to wonder why their’s arrives much later than others. So we are sending them out this week as soon as we book hotel rooms and make more detailed maps. Dana
Response:
I would think that if you have everything together – it would be OK to send them now. You need to consider that August is a fairly big vacation month – especially for families whose children need to start school at the end of the month. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> My dad and I are having amajor disagreement. The wedding is August > 8th. I always understood that invites should go out to guests 6 – 8 > weeks in advance (8 when it is far out of town guests who need to plan > vacatios and whatnot.). Well my dad says we should send the first > batch to out of town guests (across the country) who have not heard > through the grapevine that I am getting married nowish, like in the > next two weeks. I think 3 months ahead is a little too son. ANy > opinions? >RE: invitations: When to mail? > Invitations should be sent to out-of-town guests two months ahead of the > respond date (unless the wedding falls near a holiday). Two months gives > them plenty of time to book reservations, etc. Allowing too much time > does not always guarantee a fast response. In fact, I’ve found the > opposite to be true. I’m with you on this one <g>! > All the best, > Deb McCoy, Author, "For the Bride"
– To reply, remove the ‘!’s from my address: Mechanical Engineering and Applied Mechanics University of Michigan – Ann Arbor
Response:
My dad and I are having amajor disagreement. The wedding is August 8th. I always understood that invites should go out to guests 6 – 8 weeks in advance (8 when it is far out of town guests who need to plan vacatios and whatnot.). Well my dad says we should send the first batch to out of town guests (across the country) who have not heard through the grapevine that I am getting married nowish, like in the next two weeks. I think 3 months ahead is a little too son. ANy opinions? Please post and do not email Jennie
Response:
> My dad and I are having amajor disagreement. The wedding is August > 8th. I always understood that invites should go out to guests 6 – 8 > weeks in advance (8 when it is far out of town guests who need to plan > vacatios and whatnot.). Well my dad says we should send the first > batch to out of town guests (across the country) who have not heard > through the grapevine that I am getting married nowish, like in the > next two weeks. I think 3 months ahead is a little too son. ANy > opinions? > Please post and do not email > Jennie
Jennie, My wedding is October 4th and because of my father’s health we have to get married in Charleston, South Carolina where my parents retired. Thus other than my parents’ friends who live in Charleston, all of the guests will be from out of town. I am sending out "Save The Date" cards to all the guests who will be traveling and then I will send out invitations 6-8 weeks prior to our wedding. Two of my other friends have done this for out of town guests. I am going to include hotel accommodation toll-free numbers and other pertinent information that my guests might need when making their plans. In order to cut down on costs I am going to make them myself on my computer as one of my friends did. My other friend had "Save The Date" cards printed. This might be a nice compromise for you and your Dad. Good luck, Lori
Response:
> My dad and I are having amajor disagreement. The wedding is August > 8th. I always understood that invites should go out to guests 6 – 8 > weeks in advance (8 when it is far out of town guests who need to plan > vacatios and whatnot.). Well my dad says we should send the first > batch to out of town guests (across the country) who have not heard > through the grapevine that I am getting married nowish, like in the > next two weeks. I think 3 months ahead is a little too son. ANy > opinions? >RE: invitations: When to mail?
Invitations should be sent to out-of-town guests two months ahead of the respond date (unless the wedding falls near a holiday). Two months gives them plenty of time to book reservations, etc. Allowing too much time does not always guarantee a fast response. In fact, I’ve found the opposite to be true. I’m with you on this one <g>! All the best, Deb McCoy, Author, "For the Bride"
Response:
Three months ahead may not be too soon to mail invitations to out of town guests. Put yourself in their shoes. They have to find out who of their family or guests or going. Then they have to book an airline. Takes awhile (on their side). Marla : My dad and I are having amajor disagreement. The wedding is August : 8th. I always understood that invites should go out to guests 6 – 8 : weeks in advance (8 when it is far out of town guests who need to plan : vacatios and whatnot.). Well my dad says we should send the first : batch to out of town guests (across the country) who have not heard : through the grapevine that I am getting married nowish, like in the : next two weeks. I think 3 months ahead is a little too son. ANy : opinions? : Please post and do not email : Jennie
Response:
Hi! Really, you’re both right in a sense. Traditionally, you should send out your invitations 4-8 weeks. But your father is also right about how nice it would be for the other out of town guests to be able to plan ahead. But I don’t agree with your father that this should be done by sending their invitations out early. If these guests haven’t heard from the grapevine, then a simple phone call or a short note would be appropriate to personally tell them the news about your upcoming wedding. A personal call or note will suffice to inform these guests that there is an upcoming wedding, that they are invited, and that they mean enough to you to talk to them personally. Though this route is often difficult and time consuming, it can mean a great deal to your guests and you will more likely have more out of town guests actually be able to come to your wedding. Good luck! Jen Rosenberg Weddings 101 http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Plains/6244/
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